June the 18th

As I passed by the little white church of Houserville road last night, a question came to me: What would happen if I died right now. I'm not talking about spiritual journeys or any questions of epistemology at this point... Maybe later. Rather, I look at what the world that I live in would be without me in it. Perhaps somewhat morbid, but what degree of control do we have over our own thoughts?

The vein of though seemed pretty straightforward: Shock and pain of friends and family, memorial service, people move on. But then I realized that beyond those things, there would be absolutely nothing different in the world. I would become nothing more than a name in a list. When all is said and done, I stop changing the wold as soon as I'm no longer in it.

And yet I feel that I can draw some degree of usefulness here: Anything that I do while I am still around has an influence. It's very easy in todays world to become complacent with the fact that we don't have very much influence. All true change appears to be on a grand scale: Great inventors, innovators, and political leaders. The fact of the mater is that one does not necessarily need to be great to leave an impact on the world.

One of the major components of existentialism (which we have studied far to much in the past few months) is that the world is indifferent to our actions. It is now that I have realized why I disagreed so much with the concept: Anything that you do in your life - building wealth, teaching future generations, even wasting away every day on a couch - will cause changes in how the future plays out. Every person we talk to will change slightly as a result, and each breath will change the composition of the atmosphere.

Those who know me well know that I believe in some degree of scientific predestination, and yet I take heart from knowing that so long as I live, I can make a difference for better or for worse. When I am gone, nothing new can happen, and so I'll strive every day to make sure that my legacy transcends the obituary.